Thursday, January 7, 2010

Keanu Minds

A Marine officer (played by Keanu Reeves) leaves her military career behind to become an inner-city English teacher. With a style all her own she gets her class of tough-as-nails kids to trust her and to believe in themselves.

Little known fact: the original title of the song was "Keanu's Paradise." Months later, Reeves would go on to kill Weird "Al" Yankovic for parodying Coolio.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Twelve Days of Keanu

We here at neverforgetkeanu hope everyone had a safe, Keanu-filled holiday and New Year. As we all know, Keanu is the only answer to the War on Christmas.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Keanu Reeves Lives In My Mail Box

Can we take a moment to lament the loss of the ethnic comedy? A hip, urban hustler (black of course) moves in with an uptight white guy and his family? Logic dictates the invention of speed golf, the black guy winning a 5K road race by cheating and an impromptu episode of Soul Train breaking out during a wine tasting in the yuppie, suburban home. God, I miss the mid-90's. Somewhere in heaven Phil Hartman is filming this movie.

On a separate note, our one regret in life is not making this website Sinbad related. We can't photoshop every mediocre actor/comedian into hilarious posters, we are but men!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Keanuteer

I'm not saying Keanu Reeves defeated the Nazi's but I am saying in 1941 the U.S. government built a Nazi-fighting robot that after years of a bleak melancholy existence was finally turned into a real boy. And that boy may or may not have been Keanu Reeves.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Keanu Act aka Sista Reeves

We continue to celebrate Nun Week here at neverforgetkeanu.

Aren't we about due for another ironic witness protection movie? A movie that takes the "fish out of water" story line from Witness but infuses it with abysmal, unwatchable attempts at humor. Tommy Lee Jones is trying but he's just one man! A football player hides as a ballet teacher, an NBA player hides as the caddy for a down on his luck professional golfer, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Horatio Sanz take a gay cruise together. Fuck this is easy. We could have three fucking movies like this every fucking week! Fuck!

Monday, December 7, 2009

"Keanu-Re-Mi"

The hills are alive with the sound of Keanu.

Also, everyone talks about J. Robert Oppenheimer creating the atomic bomb but no one brings up how he genetically engineered Keanu Reeves to defeat the Nazis. Fuck you, history.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

If You Wannabe My Keanu

Who can forget the hit songs "Spice Up Your Keanu", "Keanube", "Say You'll Be Keanu", and "2 Become Keanu"? And who can forget masturbating to the music videos?

Not me. Or my parents couch.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

We Skipped Thanksgiving Because We're Thankful For Keanu Everyday

Alright, I know Keanu Reeves wasn't actually in this movie but I outsourced the idea that Keanu Reeves WAS in The Air Up There to India and using the many arms of Vishnu along with some bizarre ritual called 'fotoshoppe' several hundred villagers produced the above image. And my god, it was well worth holding their Sankara Stones hostage to imagine what a film this could have been.

But no, Kevin Fucking Bacon. Kevin Shithead Pork Chops. Kevin Eat A Dick Ham Sandwich had to star in it. I'm so angry I'm just going to write about Indiana Jones more.

Did you know the nation of India refused to allow Temple of Doom to be filmed in India because they found the script racist? If someone depicted my ethnicity as possessing the ability to rip peoples hearts out of their chest with our bare hands I think I'd be pretty cool with it. But maybe it was the cultish ignorance, wide spread famine and pestilence and general corruption they found troubling? Hard to say. At least Kevin Bacon wasn't in it, think about that one India!